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Archive for the ‘thinking’ Category

My husband is one of the kindest people alive.  He puts up with me, that alone should win him an extra jewel in his crown.  After 27 1/2 years (I am proud of that half year, # 27 was a hard one and this  1/2 has been blissful!)  he has learned the best way to approach me.  I have learned to listen carefully to the meanings of his kind statements, but sometimes I miss the deeper meaning.  Sunday night would have been one  of those times.

Keith and I were doing our regular Sunday night activity of folding clothes and getting ready for the week.  As we were folding clothes he mentioned that fact that I had gotten up consistently the last eight weeks at 4:00 a.m. to exercise and how proud he was of me.  He said he has been thinking that maybe my body might need a rest in the middle of the week and I should maybe think about taking  Wednesdays off  and workout on Saturday.  I blew him off and said I was in a good rhythm and wanted to keep it up.  He was quiet for a little while but I did not notice and then he let out a large breathe and said, “What I am trying to say is that you get really tired by Thursday night and you are not very nice by the time you get home.”  Okay, now he had my attention.  Me, not nice on Thursdays?  Hmmmm, could that be true?  I always tell people that we are exhausted by Thursday and take it easy Thursday night.  When I started to think about it, I realized yes we all are tired on Thursdays, but I am really tired and grouchy. 

Being a rigid person, in the past, afraid that if I take a break one day I may never go back, I felt a little afraid and told him I would work on the grouchy part.  I could not say I would not go in on Wednesday.  Keith is so supportive and does everything he can to help me accomplish my goals.  He goes in a little later in the mornings and takes Candace to school so I can get my workouts in.  He never complains and cheers me on so I did not want to ignore his comment but I had a little fear and had to work through it.  Wednesday I got up at 4:00 a.m. as usual and worked out.  When I got home I was exhausted.  My knee and hand were hurting.    My body was tired, my emotional reserves were low and after I snapped at Candace for no good reason I stopped and said enough.  I got into bed at 8:00, fell asleep by 9:30 and slept until 4:53.  No workout this morning.  The sky has not fallen and I feel rested. 

Fear of going back, fear of failing, fear of  gaining weight used to be my driving force.  Now I truly am driven by the desire to be healthy.  Sometimes healthy means listening to your body and resting.  I believe in myself and my healthy desires and know that I will be back on Friday.  Letting go of  past fears feels good.

Finding my desire to be healthy under the fear was the best thing ever!  Do you have a fear that effects your life?  Can you let it go?  Can you dig deeper and find your true desire?

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My favorite Gold’s Gym t-shirt says, CHANGE YOUR MIND CHANGE YOUR BODY.   If you have had body image issues and/or weight problems you have probably tried to diet over and over again.  I never understood why I would be doing good on a program and then all of a sudden would start sliding back. I really believe the answer  lies in our minds.  Out of will power you can do just about anything for 4-6 weeks but if you have not changed the way you think you will go back to past behaviors.

In the past one of my most self defeating features was the way that I beat myself up verbally.  All day long I would say negative things about how I looked, what I did, what I didn’t do.  Here are a few:

I am so fat, I am so lazy that now I am fat,  If I wasn’t so fat I would be happy,  I am the biggest mom here, Look at my jellyroll (stomach), I hate myself the way I am, Why should I start exercising or eating right again, I will just quit like last time.

I could go on for days about all the mean self-defeating things I said about myself.  I have since learned to retrain myself to thinking good thoughts about myself, even if they are things that have not happened yet.  I am believing that what is inside me is going to come out if I continue to be positive.

Whether you read the Bible or The Secret they both same the same thing.  Whatever you think about you will become.  Your focus has to be on the you you want to be, not who you were even thirty seconds ago. 

My trainer, David Suri, would get so angry with me when I would spout off one of my negative statements about myself.  I never forget the first time, he looked at me in disbelief and said, “Why would you say that?”, I said, “Because it is what I think and it is true.”  He told me NEVER  EVER SAY THAT AGAIN, you are changing and you have to believe it.  At first I was a little shocked because he would get so upset with me and then I began to understand the battle for me was not the exercise and the food, it was in my MIND.   He helped me to learn to think differently about myself.   You see the problem was that I did not believe I was going to change for the good.  I was so afraid of failing again and going back. 

I make my clients run or do step ups when they say mean things about themselves.  The  first time they do it they are shocked and say, “well it is true, look.”  I always tell them that it may have been true 30 seconds ago but we are bring healthy habits in our life and must believe in ourselves.    There are hundreds of books that talk about positive thinking.  I used to think those people were crazy and went a little overboard but now I understand the need to believe in myself and believe in proclaiming good, healthy, positive things about myself and my future.

I have taught myself  and am teaching my clients to say, “In the past I did…. now I …..

Example:  In the past I felt I was lazy and fat, now,  I am a work in progress and I am learning to move and eat healthy.

Please be kind to yourself.  Please share one positive statement about yourself.

Visit my best bud, Robin\’s blog.  She has an excellent post today on being comfortable with who you are meant to be.

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Please comment

If you read a post and it speaks to you or you have something to add, go to the bottom of the post and press comment.  Write your comment and I will post it later in the day.  Blogging is a great way to find encouragement and share your ideas and stories.

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My father always likes to say, “You can eat an entire whale,  one bite at a time”.   His statement came to mind the other day as I was driving to the gym at 5:00 a.m.  I realized I had come to  a totally different places in my life  physically and emotionally.

For many years I had a lot of self destructive thoughts and behaviors, lack of confidence and poor self esteem.  I lived with depression for 20 years and formed many bad habits.  Changing the thoughts and behaviors has been a five year process and will continue for the rest of my life.

Five years ago when I would think about going to the gym I would spend half the day talking myself there.   Even though I was seeing the benefits and feeling better I would think of every excuse why I could not make it.  There was a real battle going on in my head.  Most days I would say, “Just go and do cardio for 10 minutes and then you can leave.”  I would agree to this (begrudgingly) but go and get started and end up doing the prescribed 45 minutes.  I was exhausted from the battle but proud I had won.  This went on for over a year and then one day I realized I was battling myself  less and less.  I just got my gym bag ready and was looking forward to getting to the gym.  I started grinning because I realized something in me had changed.   It took over a year to change the  way I had lived my life and the bad tapes that were running around in my head and running my life.  I think part of the problem was that I was afraid of another failure and I was afraid of success but that is another post.

Last year I had a tough year physically.  I could hardly exercise and I gained weight.  January the doctor gave me clearance to start exercise.  I was cautiosoulsy excited.  I wanted my body back but some of my old fear of failure taunted me.  This time I had four years of success under my belt, I had knowledge and I believed down deep I could do it.  I wanted to try my new way of thinking that I tell my clients every day.  I did not want to be extreme in my eating or exercise.  I wanted to eat moderately and exercise regulary and see what would  happened.

Well, it has been three and a half months of  doing what I tell others.  Truthfully, I have so wanted to be extreme and exercise like a crazy person and monitor every thing I put in my mouth but have been determined to exercise and eat moderately and enjoy each day.    It is working, not only is my body changing SLOWLY  but I am gaining an inner confidence that taking care of my body, mind and spirit is for life.  I believe in the healthy part of myself.

My old trainer, David Suri,  used to tell me, “Ruth, don’t be afraid, you are never going back.”  I did not believe him,  I had yo-yo dieted for 2o years, but I trusted him, so I kept coming back until the way I thought about food, exercise and my healthy became mine.  My trainer  fed me peices of a healthy whale until I was strong enough to feed myself.  Over a 20 year period I ate a whale that produced a depressed, self destructive, and morbidly obese woman.  Over the last five years I have been eating a whale that is producing a healthy mind, body and spirit.   I feel I am becoming who I was always meant to be, one bite at a time.

It is one day at a time of healthy choices, exercising, eating right, loving ourselves and changing the way we think that is going to produce a beautiful, confident, self loving and healthy people inside and out!

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Og Mandino is a wonderful author.  His book,  University of Success, has great short inspirational stories from many different authors.    This lesson is written by Louis Binstock.  I really like being positive and don’t like to talk about failure, but his points are challenging  and things we must think about when we are not succeeding toward our goals.

               Very often we are our own worst enemy as we foolishly build stumbling blocks

on the path that leads to success and happiness.

 

1.  Blaming others.

My kids are driving me nuts.  My husband is not supportive.  My job is stressful.  Sound familar?  I realize I must  take care of Ruthie first so I can take handle the daily outside stresses.

2.  The ready tendency to blame oneself, in private anyway.  (“Why do I always…I never get it right…. Look, I did it again….”)

I really don’t blame others, oh no, I would much rather beat myself up.  I have spent all my energy saying bad things to myself instead of finding a way to work through my struggle.  In the past I have become content with being a failure.  Contentment in my failure is paralyzing. 

3.  No goals.

Dr. William Menniger says, “A fellow must know where he wants to go, if he is going to get anywhere.”

I keep saying, “I just want to be healthy”.  I realize I need to define what healthy looks like so I can get there.

4.  Choosing the wrong goals.

Ouch.  I want to look like her.  I want to be a size 4 or I can’t be happy, are things I have said in the past.   I want to lose 20 pounds this month.  (If you don’t know these are not good goals, see me after classs. :))

5.  Taking short cuts. 

Fad diets. 

6.  Taking the long road.

 “I’m just going to ease into this healthy lifestyle over the next couple of years.”  You tend to forget your goals and the direction you were headed in if you ease in to slow. 

7.  Neglecting the little things.

8.  Quitting to soon.

 In the past, when I have started a new exercise or diet program, I wanted immediate results.  10 pounds in ten days or it just wasn’t enough.  It did not matter how long it took me to gain the weight, I wanted it off immediately.  My old trainer, David, told me to trust him no matter what the scale said and it would start melting off, but I had to have patience.   The first couple of months it was a pound here or a pound there but I could feel my body changing and he got in my head and made me believe it might just work this time.  I had yo-yo dieted for 20 years and so my body was pretty stubborn at first and it creeped off and then all of a sudden (3-4 months later) it really started to move.  I was hooked!

9.  Burden of the past.

10.  The illusion of success.

“I have found the secret now!  I am never going back.”  Oh, those are scary words.  Becoming to comfortable and forgetting the hard work it took to get some success can be a trap.  You want to enjoy your success but realize you must continue to do what healthy people do, which is live it daily.  Success is hard work but ohhhhh so rewarding.

Now I use my past success, remember how they felt and have the courage to try new things or get back on the wagon train of success.  I know I can do it because I have done it before. 

If you identify with any of these don’t get down, (old habit) take the time to find the positive way and make it a success!  Do you use any of these?  Do any of these hit home?  How can we take these pitfalls and turn them into success?   Please share…..

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Friday was a great day.   My little brother was coming to visit from Florida.    I felt upbeat, looking forward to a great weekend.  THEN Saturday morning I went clothes shopping.  I needed some pants.  I have not tried on clothes for quite some time but I have been working out really consistently, eating healthy and feeling pretty good, so I anticipated going down a size.  Oh boy!  (Is this a set up or what?)  I get Nike, Adidas, Reebok and the store brand pants and go to the dressing room.  First brand does not look so hot, but everyone knows that brand runs small.  Second brand looks worse.  This is not good.  The temperature in the little dressing room is rising, my hair is now getting sweaty, my mood is dropping, the phone is ringing and I only have two more pair to try on.  Hmmm, I had already determined that I would not go up a size, I would wait until this size fit, so there was no going back.  I can tell this is going no where good but I plunge on and try everything on.  They all fit pretty much the same–TIGHT!   I put my clothes back on and slink out of the store.

I tearfully climb in my truck and call my husband.  Now you do not know the saint, aka Keith, but after 27 years of these phone calls the man is gooooood.  He knows what to say but more importantly he knows what NOT to say.  I tell him my disappointment and then tell him I am now not sure how I am going to drag myself to the gym and exercise.  All my energy is laying on that dressing room floor.  He tells me he understands, he says he is sorry, he  pumps me up, tells me he loves me, that I am beautiful to him and get moving to the gym.   Now I do appreciate this, but I am more concerned with the fact that I do not feel lovely and that I know how to get extreme results extremely quick but I also know that does not last and it is no fun for anyone.  Trying to walk out what I tell my clients and I tell myself is hard on a day like Saturday.  I want extreme results now!

I went to the gym.  I got my music and started to work out.  It was not the best workout I have ever had but I did it.  I talked to myself and repeated all the things I tell people all day long and know deep down I want to live a balanced life that gives me great results over a period of time that I can live with forever.  In my heart I know that if I walk consistently the path that I have started I will get into those pants.  It will take me a little longer than my impatient self wants BUT I will be at peace with myself and others.  I will enjoy my life.    I have a little pity party but then decide that I know I want this for life and I am going to walk it out one day at a time.    I am going to practice what I preach.

Do you ever meltdown?  How do you cope?  What do you tell yourself?

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I am so excited about this new blog.  I so want to live a healthy life and want to learn  what works for you.  I truly believe being healthy starts in our mind and spirit and seeps out to our physical body.  When my mind is thinking clearly and my spirit is charged up I stand taller, I have more confidence, I eat healthier and I want to move.  When I allow negative thoughts to bombard my mind everything seems hopeless, I want to stuff my feelings and cannot make myself get to the gym.

Being balanced is a focus in my own life and I am encouraging my clients to find out what balanced means to them.  Balanced eating and exercise look different at all ages.    Finding what works for you and sharing it will inspire others.  Each week we will explore different areas that we can be balanced in and live a healthy life.

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