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Posts Tagged ‘body’

I realize that as I get healthier emotionally I can laugh more at my issues.  In the past, I took everything so seriously, was so afraid for people to see the real me so I covered me up with fat.  What would they think if they really knew me?  I hid my deepest fears, feelings, pains and shame under layers of fat.  As my heart heals, the pain fades and the shame goes away, I risk and  let safe people in to see the real Ruthie.  Some things are not pretty,  scarred and still broken BUT I know that as I face my fears of rejection and pain, I become freer to be who I was always meant to be and to laugh.   The Bible says there is a time to laugh and a time to cry.  Laughter is good for my soul.

I do cardio several mornings a week with Mark, he is my gym brother.  He makes me laugh, he  aggravates me, he laughs at me and tells me I am ridiculous many times in an hour.  Talking and laughing makes the cardio hour go by really quick.  We talk about our week, our spouses, kids and ourselves (he tries to talk about sports and I can tell you that last about 10 seconds!).  One day I was talking about the way I saw myself in the past and he looked over at me and said, “You used to be a real head case didn’t you?”  I burst out laughing and said, “You have no idea!”  I cannot tell you how good it felt to be able to laugh at my past. 

Exposing who I was in the past and who I am now frees me to heal, love myself  and others.  Because I can laugh at myself I now will try new things or do things that I know I am not good at and look foolish  (box jumps–when I jump people can’t help but laugh–that will be another post).  

If I am your trainer, you know there is one thing I will never let you laugh at or make fun, that is your body fat.  Many times fat is covering up pain and I will not let people minimize their pain by making fun of their outward appearance.   For me dealing with the pain and healing, renews my spirit, gives me the energy to educate, retrain my body and mind.

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I lost seventy pounds in nine months six years ago.  People would come in my office at work, close the door, and say, “Okay, exactly what are you doing to lose your weight?”  I would tell them, they would say okay and leave.  My commitment to lose weight at that time was extreme, OCD.  My husband and I had talked and we determine that I would take the next year and dedicate it to me losing the weight.  My life had been about everyone else and it was time for me to concentrate on me.  So in a nutshell here is what I did.

Nutrition
Measured everything I put in my mouth.
Wrote everything that went into my mouth on fitday.com (free site)
             (if I could not tell the calorie content, I did not eat it)
I looked at every label to check the calories, fat, carbs and protein
When I ate out I looked up the nutritional information before I went and decided what I would eat.  If they did not
             have it, I called ahead or asked for the information when I got there.
I did not eat sugar for 9 months.
I ate 30% fat, 30% protein, 40% carbohydrates. 
I ate every three hours from when I got up until I went to bed.
I ate fat, protein and carbs at every meal.
My trainer looked at my fitday daily reports each week.
EXERCISE
45 minutes of cardio five days a week.
Weight training with my trainer three times a week for one hour each time.
Heavy weights.
My trainer weighed and measured me every two months.
MIND
I journaled almost every day.
No more self defeating statements
Positive affirmation and visualization
Went to counseling to help with body image
I told my trainer my fears and we conquered them one by one.
What did I lose in those nine months:
70 pounds
some friends
years of fears
time at home with my family
years  of failures
lots of sleep (I had insomnia)
my mind at times  (I was obsessive-compulsive about it)
shame
humiliation
What did I gain:
time with my family  ( I will live longer now)
I can love my husband and  kids better
new friends who want to be healthy also
muscles
belief I could conquer my fears
belief I was worthy of taking care of myself
belief that I mattered
love for myself
education on what to eat
education on how to exercise
education on how to treat myself and others
education on how to think
a new career
a scarred but new body
a love for sweating
better sex 🙂
confidence
a healthy respect for myself and others
peace (now I sleep great)
my mind–I don’t let negative thoughts control my life
I could go on and on about what I gained.  You ask, Was it worth it?  ABSOLUTELY!!!  Would I do it again!! Yes.  Do I think there is a better way?   I think there is a less compulsive way, but it was part of my journey.   I am trying to live out  a more balanced approach and encourage my clients to go that route. 
I found that you cannot mantain extreme results without extreme behaviors and that is not how I want to live. I WANT BALANCE!
My approach now to maintain and better myself:
eat moderately
eat nutritiously
exercise five days a week
     4-5 days of cardio, 30 minutes to an hour
    4-5 days of weight lifting
keep working on the transforming of my mind and spirit. 
Losing weight was a short term goal, maintaining it and learning to live a BALANCED, healthy life is a life time journey that I love!!!

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My body was telling me

Last week I struggled with my food and exercise.  I really was not sure what was going on, but it did not feel good.      

I was
     tired
     moody
     craved carbs
     just wanted to sleep (very unlike me)
     energy levels very low
     felt mildly depressed

Today I went to see my hematologist.  I was a little disappointed to learn that I am anemic again.    I really should not have needed the blood test to tell me this, I HAD ALL THE SIGNS!     

I am learning to listen to my body but still do not always catch the cues that it is physical.  A couple mornings in the last week I did not get up early and go exercise.  My energy was low and I had no push. 

Being kind to myself, not doubting my commitment and not being afraid to do what is best for my body has been scary for me in the past.  Today, I realize I am anemic, I will listen to my body, and do what it takes to take care of my body.  For me that means, add a vitamin, rest a little more, and listen to my body.

So, another lesson learned.

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My favorite Gold’s Gym t-shirt says, CHANGE YOUR MIND CHANGE YOUR BODY.   If you have had body image issues and/or weight problems you have probably tried to diet over and over again.  I never understood why I would be doing good on a program and then all of a sudden would start sliding back. I really believe the answer  lies in our minds.  Out of will power you can do just about anything for 4-6 weeks but if you have not changed the way you think you will go back to past behaviors.

In the past one of my most self defeating features was the way that I beat myself up verbally.  All day long I would say negative things about how I looked, what I did, what I didn’t do.  Here are a few:

I am so fat, I am so lazy that now I am fat,  If I wasn’t so fat I would be happy,  I am the biggest mom here, Look at my jellyroll (stomach), I hate myself the way I am, Why should I start exercising or eating right again, I will just quit like last time.

I could go on for days about all the mean self-defeating things I said about myself.  I have since learned to retrain myself to thinking good thoughts about myself, even if they are things that have not happened yet.  I am believing that what is inside me is going to come out if I continue to be positive.

Whether you read the Bible or The Secret they both same the same thing.  Whatever you think about you will become.  Your focus has to be on the you you want to be, not who you were even thirty seconds ago. 

My trainer, David Suri, would get so angry with me when I would spout off one of my negative statements about myself.  I never forget the first time, he looked at me in disbelief and said, “Why would you say that?”, I said, “Because it is what I think and it is true.”  He told me NEVER  EVER SAY THAT AGAIN, you are changing and you have to believe it.  At first I was a little shocked because he would get so upset with me and then I began to understand the battle for me was not the exercise and the food, it was in my MIND.   He helped me to learn to think differently about myself.   You see the problem was that I did not believe I was going to change for the good.  I was so afraid of failing again and going back. 

I make my clients run or do step ups when they say mean things about themselves.  The  first time they do it they are shocked and say, “well it is true, look.”  I always tell them that it may have been true 30 seconds ago but we are bring healthy habits in our life and must believe in ourselves.    There are hundreds of books that talk about positive thinking.  I used to think those people were crazy and went a little overboard but now I understand the need to believe in myself and believe in proclaiming good, healthy, positive things about myself and my future.

I have taught myself  and am teaching my clients to say, “In the past I did…. now I …..

Example:  In the past I felt I was lazy and fat, now,  I am a work in progress and I am learning to move and eat healthy.

Please be kind to yourself.  Please share one positive statement about yourself.

Visit my best bud, Robin\’s blog.  She has an excellent post today on being comfortable with who you are meant to be.

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