Posts Tagged ‘extreme fitness’

My father always likes to say, “You can eat an entire whale,  one bite at a time”.   His statement came to mind the other day as I was driving to the gym at 5:00 a.m.  I realized I had come to  a totally different places in my life  physically and emotionally.

For many years I had a lot of self destructive thoughts and behaviors, lack of confidence and poor self esteem.  I lived with depression for 20 years and formed many bad habits.  Changing the thoughts and behaviors has been a five year process and will continue for the rest of my life.

Five years ago when I would think about going to the gym I would spend half the day talking myself there.   Even though I was seeing the benefits and feeling better I would think of every excuse why I could not make it.  There was a real battle going on in my head.  Most days I would say, “Just go and do cardio for 10 minutes and then you can leave.”  I would agree to this (begrudgingly) but go and get started and end up doing the prescribed 45 minutes.  I was exhausted from the battle but proud I had won.  This went on for over a year and then one day I realized I was battling myself  less and less.  I just got my gym bag ready and was looking forward to getting to the gym.  I started grinning because I realized something in me had changed.   It took over a year to change the  way I had lived my life and the bad tapes that were running around in my head and running my life.  I think part of the problem was that I was afraid of another failure and I was afraid of success but that is another post.

Last year I had a tough year physically.  I could hardly exercise and I gained weight.  January the doctor gave me clearance to start exercise.  I was cautiosoulsy excited.  I wanted my body back but some of my old fear of failure taunted me.  This time I had four years of success under my belt, I had knowledge and I believed down deep I could do it.  I wanted to try my new way of thinking that I tell my clients every day.  I did not want to be extreme in my eating or exercise.  I wanted to eat moderately and exercise regulary and see what would  happened.

Well, it has been three and a half months of  doing what I tell others.  Truthfully, I have so wanted to be extreme and exercise like a crazy person and monitor every thing I put in my mouth but have been determined to exercise and eat moderately and enjoy each day.    It is working, not only is my body changing SLOWLY  but I am gaining an inner confidence that taking care of my body, mind and spirit is for life.  I believe in the healthy part of myself.

My old trainer, David Suri,  used to tell me, “Ruth, don’t be afraid, you are never going back.”  I did not believe him,  I had yo-yo dieted for 2o years, but I trusted him, so I kept coming back until the way I thought about food, exercise and my healthy became mine.  My trainer  fed me peices of a healthy whale until I was strong enough to feed myself.  Over a 20 year period I ate a whale that produced a depressed, self destructive, and morbidly obese woman.  Over the last five years I have been eating a whale that is producing a healthy mind, body and spirit.   I feel I am becoming who I was always meant to be, one bite at a time.

It is one day at a time of healthy choices, exercising, eating right, loving ourselves and changing the way we think that is going to produce a beautiful, confident, self loving and healthy people inside and out!

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Friday was a great day.   My little brother was coming to visit from Florida.    I felt upbeat, looking forward to a great weekend.  THEN Saturday morning I went clothes shopping.  I needed some pants.  I have not tried on clothes for quite some time but I have been working out really consistently, eating healthy and feeling pretty good, so I anticipated going down a size.  Oh boy!  (Is this a set up or what?)  I get Nike, Adidas, Reebok and the store brand pants and go to the dressing room.  First brand does not look so hot, but everyone knows that brand runs small.  Second brand looks worse.  This is not good.  The temperature in the little dressing room is rising, my hair is now getting sweaty, my mood is dropping, the phone is ringing and I only have two more pair to try on.  Hmmm, I had already determined that I would not go up a size, I would wait until this size fit, so there was no going back.  I can tell this is going no where good but I plunge on and try everything on.  They all fit pretty much the same–TIGHT!   I put my clothes back on and slink out of the store.

I tearfully climb in my truck and call my husband.  Now you do not know the saint, aka Keith, but after 27 years of these phone calls the man is gooooood.  He knows what to say but more importantly he knows what NOT to say.  I tell him my disappointment and then tell him I am now not sure how I am going to drag myself to the gym and exercise.  All my energy is laying on that dressing room floor.  He tells me he understands, he says he is sorry, he  pumps me up, tells me he loves me, that I am beautiful to him and get moving to the gym.   Now I do appreciate this, but I am more concerned with the fact that I do not feel lovely and that I know how to get extreme results extremely quick but I also know that does not last and it is no fun for anyone.  Trying to walk out what I tell my clients and I tell myself is hard on a day like Saturday.  I want extreme results now!

I went to the gym.  I got my music and started to work out.  It was not the best workout I have ever had but I did it.  I talked to myself and repeated all the things I tell people all day long and know deep down I want to live a balanced life that gives me great results over a period of time that I can live with forever.  In my heart I know that if I walk consistently the path that I have started I will get into those pants.  It will take me a little longer than my impatient self wants BUT I will be at peace with myself and others.  I will enjoy my life.    I have a little pity party but then decide that I know I want this for life and I am going to walk it out one day at a time.    I am going to practice what I preach.

Do you ever meltdown?  How do you cope?  What do you tell yourself?

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Really Ruthie?

Figuring life out one day at a time...


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