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Posts Tagged ‘healing’

This past weekend I went to my sister, Susan’s for her son, Eldridge’s graduation.Eldridge, Kayla and Candy at the Grove Park Inn  It was really great, my three brothers and my sister were all together for parts of the weekend.  My little brother, John, got engaged so we also celebrated for him and Denise.

My sister has an amazing deck that we sat at most of the time when we were at the house.  In the mornings, before the kids got up, I sat outside with my brother, Richard and Susan.  We talked about family stuff.  It really helped me to be able to talk with people who knew where I have come from and where I wanted to go.  The best part is that we are all trying to get emotionally healthy.  We are all fighting hard to slay the dragons that have won in the past.  My heart was so overwhelmed with love for them, they filled my love tanks to over flowing. 

I lived in depression for 22 years.  Occasionally, I poked my head out, but for the most part, I was depressed and sad.  I was stuck in my sadness.  When I was with my sibs this weekend we talked about some very sad things BUT the difference was that after we talked about them, laughed a little about them, I cried a little about them, we put the sadness away and had a great time the rest of the day. OH, it felt so healthy.  I am pretty sure that is what healthy people do.  We did not wallow in the sadness or get stuck.  We took it out of the box, acknowledged it  and then we put it back in its box and went about the business of celebrating life.

All the ladies at the Grove Park Inn

All the ladies at the Grove Park Inn

Richard encouraged me to relax.  He is a pastor but this weekend he was just my brother.  He assured me that God did not need me to work so hard, to quit striving and breathe.  Debbie, my amazing sister-in-law,  keeps pushing us to dig a little deeper.  She loves seeing us growing and is a great cheerleader.  Susan, my sissy, has been a warrior my entire life.  She has stood up many times alone and forged ahead even when others (me) did not understand or approve.  This weekend I asked her to forgive me for judging her during those times.  She looked wrong to me, now she looks courageous, and I applaud her for fighting so hard to be healthy inside and out! 

I came home refreshed.  I came home feeling loved.  I came home ready for the next leg of the journey.  My sibs are my friends and my cheerleaders.  Healthy is hard work sometimes but the rewards are so worth it.

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I realize that as I get healthier emotionally I can laugh more at my issues.  In the past, I took everything so seriously, was so afraid for people to see the real me so I covered me up with fat.  What would they think if they really knew me?  I hid my deepest fears, feelings, pains and shame under layers of fat.  As my heart heals, the pain fades and the shame goes away, I risk and  let safe people in to see the real Ruthie.  Some things are not pretty,  scarred and still broken BUT I know that as I face my fears of rejection and pain, I become freer to be who I was always meant to be and to laugh.   The Bible says there is a time to laugh and a time to cry.  Laughter is good for my soul.

I do cardio several mornings a week with Mark, he is my gym brother.  He makes me laugh, he  aggravates me, he laughs at me and tells me I am ridiculous many times in an hour.  Talking and laughing makes the cardio hour go by really quick.  We talk about our week, our spouses, kids and ourselves (he tries to talk about sports and I can tell you that last about 10 seconds!).  One day I was talking about the way I saw myself in the past and he looked over at me and said, “You used to be a real head case didn’t you?”  I burst out laughing and said, “You have no idea!”  I cannot tell you how good it felt to be able to laugh at my past. 

Exposing who I was in the past and who I am now frees me to heal, love myself  and others.  Because I can laugh at myself I now will try new things or do things that I know I am not good at and look foolish  (box jumps–when I jump people can’t help but laugh–that will be another post).  

If I am your trainer, you know there is one thing I will never let you laugh at or make fun, that is your body fat.  Many times fat is covering up pain and I will not let people minimize their pain by making fun of their outward appearance.   For me dealing with the pain and healing, renews my spirit, gives me the energy to educate, retrain my body and mind.

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