Posts Tagged ‘mind’

I have had this 4-6″ space between my washer and dryer that has not been really cleaned for a long time (years).  Every time I would go to put clothes in the washer or dryer I looked at that space and felt disgust and shame, the lent and dirt were not pretty, yet, I did not clean it.  Why it was such a huge task I cannot tell you, but yesterday I was a little ahead on the laundry and I looked down there and said, “Today is the day!”  I got an old towel and in less than five minutes had cleaned it. 

Five minutes is all it took and I was feeling good.   I had wasted way to much brain space on feeling inadequate and lazy on a FIVE MINUTE TASK!!   I have some other little tasks lurking in the back of my mind that makes me feel less than adequate and I know that if I just took a little time this huge monkey (procrastination) would be off my back and I would feel so much better about myself.  Soooo, this week, riding on my little success,  I am going to slay a few more dragons and go on vacation feeling good.

1.  Linen closet  (organize and re-fold–20-30 minutes)
2.  Medicine cabinet (organize-check medicine dates–20 minutes)
3.  Kitchen cabinet that has all the stuff I am not sure wher it should go. (get–a box and give most of it away-30 

Do you have something that would make you feel better this week if you conquered?  Just choose one and see how it makes you feel. 

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Fabulous Friday

I must tell you that I am really glad today is Friday.  It has been a tough week for me.  I have not been sleeping well, my body is tired, my emotions are high, my thoughts are rapid and I need to rest.  I bought a book yesterday, 365 Positive Ways to Start Your Day.  It seems like a great little book with a good way to get your mind set in the right direction.  Yesterday it said,

The best way to predict your future is to create it.

Peter Drucker

I want to be healthy inside and out so I am trying to eat healthy, rest, exercise, and continue to grow on the inside.  I believe that will make my future brighter and healthier.

What are you doing to create a healthy future?

Have a great weekend! 



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I realize that as I get healthier emotionally I can laugh more at my issues.  In the past, I took everything so seriously, was so afraid for people to see the real me so I covered me up with fat.  What would they think if they really knew me?  I hid my deepest fears, feelings, pains and shame under layers of fat.  As my heart heals, the pain fades and the shame goes away, I risk and  let safe people in to see the real Ruthie.  Some things are not pretty,  scarred and still broken BUT I know that as I face my fears of rejection and pain, I become freer to be who I was always meant to be and to laugh.   The Bible says there is a time to laugh and a time to cry.  Laughter is good for my soul.

I do cardio several mornings a week with Mark, he is my gym brother.  He makes me laugh, he  aggravates me, he laughs at me and tells me I am ridiculous many times in an hour.  Talking and laughing makes the cardio hour go by really quick.  We talk about our week, our spouses, kids and ourselves (he tries to talk about sports and I can tell you that last about 10 seconds!).  One day I was talking about the way I saw myself in the past and he looked over at me and said, “You used to be a real head case didn’t you?”  I burst out laughing and said, “You have no idea!”  I cannot tell you how good it felt to be able to laugh at my past. 

Exposing who I was in the past and who I am now frees me to heal, love myself  and others.  Because I can laugh at myself I now will try new things or do things that I know I am not good at and look foolish  (box jumps–when I jump people can’t help but laugh–that will be another post).  

If I am your trainer, you know there is one thing I will never let you laugh at or make fun, that is your body fat.  Many times fat is covering up pain and I will not let people minimize their pain by making fun of their outward appearance.   For me dealing with the pain and healing, renews my spirit, gives me the energy to educate, retrain my body and mind.

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I lost seventy pounds in nine months six years ago.  People would come in my office at work, close the door, and say, “Okay, exactly what are you doing to lose your weight?”  I would tell them, they would say okay and leave.  My commitment to lose weight at that time was extreme, OCD.  My husband and I had talked and we determine that I would take the next year and dedicate it to me losing the weight.  My life had been about everyone else and it was time for me to concentrate on me.  So in a nutshell here is what I did.

Measured everything I put in my mouth.
Wrote everything that went into my mouth on fitday.com (free site)
             (if I could not tell the calorie content, I did not eat it)
I looked at every label to check the calories, fat, carbs and protein
When I ate out I looked up the nutritional information before I went and decided what I would eat.  If they did not
             have it, I called ahead or asked for the information when I got there.
I did not eat sugar for 9 months.
I ate 30% fat, 30% protein, 40% carbohydrates. 
I ate every three hours from when I got up until I went to bed.
I ate fat, protein and carbs at every meal.
My trainer looked at my fitday daily reports each week.
45 minutes of cardio five days a week.
Weight training with my trainer three times a week for one hour each time.
Heavy weights.
My trainer weighed and measured me every two months.
I journaled almost every day.
No more self defeating statements
Positive affirmation and visualization
Went to counseling to help with body image
I told my trainer my fears and we conquered them one by one.
What did I lose in those nine months:
70 pounds
some friends
years of fears
time at home with my family
years  of failures
lots of sleep (I had insomnia)
my mind at times  (I was obsessive-compulsive about it)
What did I gain:
time with my family  ( I will live longer now)
I can love my husband and  kids better
new friends who want to be healthy also
belief I could conquer my fears
belief I was worthy of taking care of myself
belief that I mattered
love for myself
education on what to eat
education on how to exercise
education on how to treat myself and others
education on how to think
a new career
a scarred but new body
a love for sweating
better sex 🙂
a healthy respect for myself and others
peace (now I sleep great)
my mind–I don’t let negative thoughts control my life
I could go on and on about what I gained.  You ask, Was it worth it?  ABSOLUTELY!!!  Would I do it again!! Yes.  Do I think there is a better way?   I think there is a less compulsive way, but it was part of my journey.   I am trying to live out  a more balanced approach and encourage my clients to go that route. 
I found that you cannot mantain extreme results without extreme behaviors and that is not how I want to live. I WANT BALANCE!
My approach now to maintain and better myself:
eat moderately
eat nutritiously
exercise five days a week
     4-5 days of cardio, 30 minutes to an hour
    4-5 days of weight lifting
keep working on the transforming of my mind and spirit. 
Losing weight was a short term goal, maintaining it and learning to live a BALANCED, healthy life is a life time journey that I love!!!

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For years I was always asking others to tell me what I should think.   I wanted them to make me feel better, give me confidence and tell me how I looked.   No matter what they said, deep down I was not satisfied and was not sure if they were telling me the truth.  The truth is that there was probably not anything they could have said that would have made me feel better or that I would have believed deep down.

David, my old trainer, was tough.  He educated me on how to work out, pushed me to my physical limits and I LOVED IT.  I did not like how he pushed me mentally and emotionally.  I was used to people telling me what to think and feel and he would not do it.  I remember talking to him one time and asking what he thought about my progress and he told me it really did not matter what he thought, what did I think.  I was so hurt and mad at him.  I wanted him to assure me how great I was doing and was losing weight.  He was blunt and it seemed a little harsh to me, he was supposed to be helping me!!  I tried a couple different questions to get him to say something nice and he would not budge.  I left dissatisfied, hurt, angry and sure that he was just having a very bad day  (trainers do have bad days)  but this happened on more than one occasion and eventually figured maybe it was me, not him.

Mulling over, “it really does not matter what I think, it is what you think” made me panic, how was I supposed to think if others did not tell me what to think or feel, what if my thoughts and feelings mattered. Oh my, I was 43 and never been a free thinker, I was always doing what others told me, believing what they told me to believe about myself and anything else that mattered.   The truth is that I had no confidence in myself, I did not believe I was significant enough, smart enough or important enough to have my own opinion.  I thought I NEEDED THEM.

I was driving home from the gym a few months ago and called Keith, my husband, and said, “What do I look like?”.  There was silent pause, he said, “You are a lady that wears black a lot.”  Oh my, this is not what I wanted to hear and hung up quickly.  Once again I was hurt and mad.  What I meant but did not say, I am having a bad day, everyone at the gym looked perfect, I felt fat, my extra weight was not coming off quick enough and I wanted him to tell me how great he thought I was doing and looked.  Keith is a smart man, knew I did not seem happy when we hung up and called me right back.  He said, “I guess that was not really what you were looking for?”.    I told him to forget it, I would be home soon and got off the phone.  My past conversations with David came flooding back and I realized once again I wanted someone else to make me feel better about myself.  It was a great moment because I talked myself through what I really needed to be thinking about–to be patient, continue working my plan, it takes time and I was worth taking the time to take care of myself, I was doing great.   By the time I got home I was so happy,  confidant, still a little impatient with the process but knew what I thought mattered most.

There is nothing wrong with encouragement from others.  Encouragement is a good thing, I need cheerleaders, but it is wasted if the whole time in the back of my mind I do not believe what they are saying!  I lived by my emotions for years and was depressed.  Now when I go there the thoughts comes quicker, What do you think Ruthie?,  What do you know to be true?, Why are you needing outside affirmation?  I have a conversation with myself, I talk through the things I know to be true and my confidence starts to build.  MY MIND IS A BATTLE GROUND, I am a work in progress, getting rid of old thought patterns that had me stuck, exploring that I really think and believe about all aspects of my life.  It is scary and exciting.


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My favorite Gold’s Gym t-shirt says, CHANGE YOUR MIND CHANGE YOUR BODY.   If you have had body image issues and/or weight problems you have probably tried to diet over and over again.  I never understood why I would be doing good on a program and then all of a sudden would start sliding back. I really believe the answer  lies in our minds.  Out of will power you can do just about anything for 4-6 weeks but if you have not changed the way you think you will go back to past behaviors.

In the past one of my most self defeating features was the way that I beat myself up verbally.  All day long I would say negative things about how I looked, what I did, what I didn’t do.  Here are a few:

I am so fat, I am so lazy that now I am fat,  If I wasn’t so fat I would be happy,  I am the biggest mom here, Look at my jellyroll (stomach), I hate myself the way I am, Why should I start exercising or eating right again, I will just quit like last time.

I could go on for days about all the mean self-defeating things I said about myself.  I have since learned to retrain myself to thinking good thoughts about myself, even if they are things that have not happened yet.  I am believing that what is inside me is going to come out if I continue to be positive.

Whether you read the Bible or The Secret they both same the same thing.  Whatever you think about you will become.  Your focus has to be on the you you want to be, not who you were even thirty seconds ago. 

My trainer, David Suri, would get so angry with me when I would spout off one of my negative statements about myself.  I never forget the first time, he looked at me in disbelief and said, “Why would you say that?”, I said, “Because it is what I think and it is true.”  He told me NEVER  EVER SAY THAT AGAIN, you are changing and you have to believe it.  At first I was a little shocked because he would get so upset with me and then I began to understand the battle for me was not the exercise and the food, it was in my MIND.   He helped me to learn to think differently about myself.   You see the problem was that I did not believe I was going to change for the good.  I was so afraid of failing again and going back. 

I make my clients run or do step ups when they say mean things about themselves.  The  first time they do it they are shocked and say, “well it is true, look.”  I always tell them that it may have been true 30 seconds ago but we are bring healthy habits in our life and must believe in ourselves.    There are hundreds of books that talk about positive thinking.  I used to think those people were crazy and went a little overboard but now I understand the need to believe in myself and believe in proclaiming good, healthy, positive things about myself and my future.

I have taught myself  and am teaching my clients to say, “In the past I did…. now I …..

Example:  In the past I felt I was lazy and fat, now,  I am a work in progress and I am learning to move and eat healthy.

Please be kind to yourself.  Please share one positive statement about yourself.

Visit my best bud, Robin\’s blog.  She has an excellent post today on being comfortable with who you are meant to be.

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I am so excited about this new blog.  I so want to live a healthy life and want to learn  what works for you.  I truly believe being healthy starts in our mind and spirit and seeps out to our physical body.  When my mind is thinking clearly and my spirit is charged up I stand taller, I have more confidence, I eat healthier and I want to move.  When I allow negative thoughts to bombard my mind everything seems hopeless, I want to stuff my feelings and cannot make myself get to the gym.

Being balanced is a focus in my own life and I am encouraging my clients to find out what balanced means to them.  Balanced eating and exercise look different at all ages.    Finding what works for you and sharing it will inspire others.  Each week we will explore different areas that we can be balanced in and live a healthy life.

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Really Ruthie?

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