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Posts Tagged ‘pain’

I realize that as I get healthier emotionally I can laugh more at my issues.  In the past, I took everything so seriously, was so afraid for people to see the real me so I covered me up with fat.  What would they think if they really knew me?  I hid my deepest fears, feelings, pains and shame under layers of fat.  As my heart heals, the pain fades and the shame goes away, I risk and  let safe people in to see the real Ruthie.  Some things are not pretty,  scarred and still broken BUT I know that as I face my fears of rejection and pain, I become freer to be who I was always meant to be and to laugh.   The Bible says there is a time to laugh and a time to cry.  Laughter is good for my soul.

I do cardio several mornings a week with Mark, he is my gym brother.  He makes me laugh, he  aggravates me, he laughs at me and tells me I am ridiculous many times in an hour.  Talking and laughing makes the cardio hour go by really quick.  We talk about our week, our spouses, kids and ourselves (he tries to talk about sports and I can tell you that last about 10 seconds!).  One day I was talking about the way I saw myself in the past and he looked over at me and said, “You used to be a real head case didn’t you?”  I burst out laughing and said, “You have no idea!”  I cannot tell you how good it felt to be able to laugh at my past. 

Exposing who I was in the past and who I am now frees me to heal, love myself  and others.  Because I can laugh at myself I now will try new things or do things that I know I am not good at and look foolish  (box jumps–when I jump people can’t help but laugh–that will be another post).  

If I am your trainer, you know there is one thing I will never let you laugh at or make fun, that is your body fat.  Many times fat is covering up pain and I will not let people minimize their pain by making fun of their outward appearance.   For me dealing with the pain and healing, renews my spirit, gives me the energy to educate, retrain my body and mind.

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Four a.m. came awful early this morning.  I gardened all weekend.

My back and neck are a little sore, my thumb is aching with arthritis pain, my back is sunburned and I have never been happier.  I am so thankful I could get down on my knees in the dirt, haul bark chips, carry planters up the stairs and till the dirt by hand with a shovel.

Being in shape allowed me to move around in my yard Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  The pain I am feeling is temporary but I will reap the benefits of my garden all summer.

The other exciting things is that I have jagged dirty nails.   Forget the fact that I bought gardening glove and only wore them for about thirty minutes!  I have not had nails for two years.  I had a vitamin deficiency and my nails would not grow.  I am so excited to have nails to get dirty.

I am starting the week a little achy and tired but so excited that I am healthy.  Going to the gym this morning to exercise is a good thing.  I have always heard that perspective is how you look at things.  I am choosing to look at things in a positive light this morning.

How are you this morning?

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